I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You're like the curious george of whores
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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