i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
