My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
