It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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