i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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