I wanna bring you to show and tell
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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