My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
