she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
