I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
