my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
