This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
