I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
