do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
