why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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