If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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