wakey wakey hands off snakey
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
