I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's blow job season.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
