Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
