Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
