I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
