he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
