I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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