I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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