I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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