I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
