smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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