Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
