So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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