If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
