sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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