Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
