Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
