she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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