and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
