Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
