Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
