WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
