this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
