I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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