my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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