I got chris browned last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
