I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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