I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
