Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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