I just cut my nipple shaving
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I deserve this hangover.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
