Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
