i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
