I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
