Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
