when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The feeling are messing with the penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
