i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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