Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
