I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
