Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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