They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
